WHY?

Warning: I apologize in advance for any language I may use that might offend people. My emotions right now, like many people in Omaha, are running very high with everything that happened Wednesday. Sometimes there's just never the right words to explain how one is feeling. So if you are easily offended please keep reading and try to understand where I'm coming from and why I may end up using colorful language.

I wanted to write this Wednesday night when I got home after Santa Slam. I wanted to let all of my emotions out and let the world know how I felt about what had happened earlier in the day. After much thought I decided not to. I decided to let myself calm down for a bit, wait for more details and facts to come in and then put my thoughts on paper. I thought this would calm my emotions and relax my mind a bit so I could write something with substance instead of just a bunch of anger. I was wrong.

Around the same time all this carnage was going down I was on my way to Omaha from my home in Plattsmouth. I had a few errands to run and I had to be at the station early to get ready for Santa Slam. On my way to the station I talked to our midday host, Sterling, totally oblivious about what was going on just a few blocks down on Dodge Street. She had informed me of a shooting at the Westroads Mall where two people were dead and five more injured. Adding to that she informed me about a coworker of ours who was at the mall. I was not prepared for what I was about to see when I got to the station.

In my short radio life of 4 1/2 years I have never been around when there was a breaking news event of this magnitude. I think it's also safe to say that most of the people I work with haven't seen a breaking news event of this kind since 9/11. Before I go any further I just want to draw the line right there and say that is the only comparison I will make towards 9/11. Two completely different events, however both very tragic. Just seeing everyone I work with working so diligently to get this breaking news event out over the air to our seven station cluster, one being a Spanish station, was incredible. To see everyone come together and work as a team was truly amazing. I applaud everyone in my building for doing their part in this time of despair. All I could really do was sit back and try to give any information I could about what news I was getting from the other various media outlets.

The more and more I saw all the live news footage come in only one word came to my mind. Senseless. That word just kept repeating over and over in my head all day as we tried to piece everything together. Even though the title of this blog is "Why?" that question didn't pop into my head until...well honestly until I needed a title for this blog. Senseless, senseless, stupid, senseless, cowardly, senseless. Those were the words that ran through my mind Wednesday. And the more news that trickled in the louder those words were sounding.

The whole time we kept getting word that one, maybe two people were dead including the gunman with many more injured. At one point someone walked by and said a confirmed source said nine dead and five injured. It took a good few seconds to really sink in. Did he just say nine dead? I had to ask myself that question over and over. Let me point out that this was also about five minutes before the police held their press conference and confirmed it. When they did say nine people were dead my heart just sunk. A senseless, pointless waste of human life yet again.

It was probably a good thing we had Santa Slam Wednesday night to take our minds off things and break away from it all. I'm sure all the people that came out enjoyed the break as well. But through it all it was always in the back of my mind. We also announced that some of the proceeds from the show were going to go to help the families of the victims. The Mid-America Center also announced they were going to donate half of concession sales to the benefit as well. It was all capped off by a very moving moment when Avril Lavigne went on stage and asked for a moment of silence and ended up breaking into tears. I know those were real because I was no less than 20 feet away from her when this took place. Very honorable and very real of her to do that. It's just too bad that Avril's first time in Omaha had to be surrounded by such tragedy.

After the show ended I went home and found myself once again wanting to hear more information of Wednesday's events. The more I heard the more angry and sad I got. The long day had finally taken its toll on me though and I finally crashed to bed. That didn't last long though as I was up once again at 5:15 in the morning gathering more national coverage and hearing what they had to say about everything about my home city. It was basically five hours of coverage through the 9:30 press conference where the nine deceased were identified. They had finally put a name to those who perished so tragically and way too soon. Six employees of Von Maur and two shoppers. Later on Thursday we had the faces to go along with those names. Right now I'm going to take this time and remember you because you are the ones who need to be remembered.

Pictured left to right; top to bottom. Shoppers: Gary Scharf, 48, Lincoln; John McDonald, 65, Council Bluffs, Iowa. Employees: Angella Schuster, 36; Maggie Webb, 24; Janet Jorgenson, 66; Dianne Trent, 53; Gary Joy, 56; and Beverly Flynn, 47.

My thoughts and prayers will always be with you. I am thankful enough to say that I didn't have any friends or family members that ended up being victims of the shootings because that's what I feared the most on Wednesday. And even though I never knew or met any of you, through your friends and family I will be able to get to know all about you and I think that is such a wonderful thing. May you all rest in peace.

As the days go on more and more info is being released. Now the 9-1-1 tapes have been released. To hear the chaos, fear, and the shock in the voices from the people calling in, it really takes my breath away. Especially the first phone call dispatch received about the shooting which also originated from inside Von Maur. The operator picks up and all you hear are gun shots echoing in the background. Round after round going off piercing through the phone that gives me chills and makes me flinch every time that awful popping sound is heard. There is nobody answering on the other end as the dispatcher continues to ask, "Hello 9-1-1." Then it ends with just eerie silence. It sickens me to my stomach when I hear that cause I am visualizing what is happening on the other end of that phone to the person who originally made that panicking phone call. I'm sure many of you can paint your own similar idea of what was going down. I don't have to try and visualize it for you anymore. And if you need any more visualization the Omaha Police Department released some still photos from the Westroads security cameras of that coward going into the mall. One even showing him aiming, preparing to shoot his AK-47 at an innocent life. Horrible!

I think the cover of the Omaha World Herald said it best the day after, "It Happened To Us." I think we all knew it could happen here, but we just never wanted to believe that it would. Everything that happened Wednesday is still a shock, but not really surprising to me. Nebraska's motto is "The Good Life." People move here to get away from the violence that ravages the bigger cities in the U.S. Omaha is just a fairly sized, Midwestern city where you want to start a family and raise your kids. At least that's the perception anyways. Let me remind everyone who doesn't already understand. What happened to us in our city Wednesday can happen anytime, anywhere, in any city in the United States or around the world for that matter. This isn't the first time and sadly won't be the last time that something like this will happen. It will happen again. The question is when and where. In the end though, we will never be prepared for it no matter how many times it happens.

Every few months or so you see something like this in the news. I remember sitting in Study Hall my senior year of high school and watching Columbine unfold before my very eyes. Now, there had been school shootings before, but this was something different. It set the standard for kids who felt like they were the outcasts, loaners, drifters who had nothing left to lose in life. That they could finally do something to be famous and finally have their name forever remembered by the history books. Too bad in the end they will always be remembered as fucking cowards! There's really no other way to describe them. They commit these heinous acts so their name will live on forever. I'm not going to use the shooter's name on here out of respect for the families, friends and loved ones of those who were shot in Wednesday's tragedy. Just using his picture at the top makes me fuckin sick. I understand that we all had questions and wanted to know who would do such a thing. Now that the media has given us that info we can now move on without using this murderer's name again. At least I'm not going to. From here on out I'm just going to refer to that murderer, that coward as YOU.

YOU are a coward! God tells us not to judge anyone, that He is the only one that is to cast judgment upon us. Even if that's so, I can certainly sit back and judge your actions. Your actions were cowardly and senseless in the worst way. YOU have changed the lives of so many people in mere minutes. YOU have taken away mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone down the line. YOU have taken the lives of some very wonderful and extraordinary people. YOU have ruined so many peoples lives including the ones that wasted their time caring and loving your pathetic self. There was even an ABC photographer on his way to cover your sorry actions and ended up getting killed in a car accident near Grand Island. Sure, he was doing his job, but if you didn't decide to be so selfish he never would have been on his way to Omaha. Look at all the lives you selfishly took away from us and continue to take away from us.

And why? Because YOU lost your job for stealing $17 from the McDonald's you worked at? Because your girlfriend broke up with you? Because YOU couldn't get into the Army? Because YOU were too much of a boy to get up off your ass and do something for yourself? It was always everyone else's fault, never your own. YOU weren't ever man enough to step up to the plate and take responsibility. Everything I mentioned are problems that many people face everyday. The difference is those people choose not to lower themselves even more by killing others, you murderer. They choose to make a difference for themselves in a positive way or at least they try to.

YOU left some suicide notes explaining that you will no longer be a burden to people. YOU, my sorry excuse for a human, have burdened and created so many more problems then you will ever know. Then again YOU knew exactly what you were going to do. YOU knew the consequences and repercussions your actions were going to have because you boldly stated that YOU were "going to go out in style" and that YOU were now going to be "famous." YOU are now infamous and hated. At least by me.

He had problems. You have problems, I have problems, we all have problems. But we don't go out and ruin other people's lives and put their loved ones through so much misery and pain because our life isn't the greatest. This year has been a very trying year for me. I've dealt with a lot more in one year then I ever would have imagined. Never once did I ever think about going out and killing people because of it. And it's funny to me that the title of my last post reads as "Kill Yourself, Not Me." Maybe YOU should have read those words and lived by them. Maybe then we wouldn't have to mourn so many wonderful people over a senseless act.

I don't condone anyone taking their own life to run away from their problems. It's called life people, we all have good and bad times. My only thought is if it truly does get to that point in your life, why would you do something so horrifying that it would alter the course of history in such a negative way? Why bring others down with you that never played a part in your life? Why would you do something at a time of the year when everyone is celebrating life, family and togetherness...Christmas time! Now, every year around Christmas time the families, friends and loved ones of the victims, not to mention the survivors, will always remember what YOU did to them. What YOU took away from them. We are a forgiving society, but no one will ever forget your senseless, cowardly actions.

This is Omaha, Nebraska. It's not always the funnest place to live. We don't have some of the same fun and interesting things that most of the major populated cities in this country do. We don't get the glamour or the glory. We are in fly over country with a metro population of just over 617,000 people. The one thing about us is our resilience. We will unite together through this and rely on each other for comfort. We will remain strong through these toughest of times and always keep the victims of 12-05-07 in our prayers and hearts. And even though the national media gives us less and less attention every day because we are not on the East Coast or in California, I have one thing to say. We will NEVER forget and we will NEVER allow a selfish coward take away from what we have here in our community.

God bless those wonderful people we lost on 12-05-07!

Avril Lavigne Mourns For The People In Omaha